The Short List

Before I moved to Portland I was convinced that once I arrived in the Rose City the stars would align in cosmic perfection and this would be the most amazing place I had ever lived and I would not want to leave. Ever. Unfortunately, such has not been the case. It is not that I don't like Portland, but rather that it simply is not the geographic bliss I had imagined it would be. Couple this with my desire to continue my career as a professional student (yup, you got it, I'm planning on a PhD after my MSc) and you've got yourself another geographic short list (some of you may remember the short list from my days in Phoenix trying to decide where to move for graduate school). In no particular order, here is the new and improved short list:

1. San Francisco

California is a magical, mystical place for me, which quite possibly may be attributed, at least partly, to Led Zeppelin's Going to California. The sunshine and the laid back attitudes are pretty much my idea of heaven on earth.

I'm currently having an especially steamy love affair with San Francisco. I have several really great friends that live there (bonus feature 1) and the city itself has a very European feel to it (bonus feature 2). Plus, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being that close to the ocean.

2. New York City

I have had a love/hate relationship with New York for several years now. I love it so much and I hate that I can't ever seem to afford to move there. There is still a part of me that finds New York to be the poor man's London. But if you can't be in London why not be in the next best place?

Like London there is always something to do (bonus feature 1) and there is culture to be found everywhere (bonus feature 2). Plus, the best roommate I have ever had lives there, which is a huge draw in and of itself. And the fashion. Oh, the fashion.

3. Phoenix

I spent most of my two and a half years in Phoenix trying to figure out how to leave Phoenix. I do not miss the city, but I miss my friends there tremendously. I also miss being close to my mom and step-dad (at least half of the year). And there really is something to be said for having sunshine every day (bonus feature 1). Oh, and there's also something to be said for really good Mexican food (bonus feature 2).

4. Minneapolis

In all honesty, I'm not sure I could ever do a real winter again (something to think about when considering New York too), but I do often think about moving back to the Midwest. However, the thought usually passes after spending a few chill days there. Yet, all but one of my siblings live in the Twin Cities and it is very close to my family (bonus feature 1). It is also one of the most underrated cities in the US with a plethora of culture, shopping, good food and good music (bonus feature 2).

5. Austin

I am one quarter Texan. As a kid I spent a summer living in Greenville (pronounced Green-vull), TX. I have for some time suspected that I am perhaps destined to spend more of my life deep in the heart of Texas, getting in touch with my Texas roots.

The biggest benefit of Austin is that it is not at all like the rest of Texas. It is like a little oasis in the red desert. Plus, the city itself it similar to Portland, but with much better weather.

Honorable mentions: San Diego, Chicago, Denver and Boston

Be Grateful (Day 6)

Anyone who knows me well knows that I tend to change my mind as frequently as most change their underwear. It is not that I am flighty but more that I tend to get exceptionally passionate about something, someone, some place and can think only of that object until another eventually and inevitably comes along. This has not hurt me in any way (thus far), but I am sure has been more than irritating for my friends and family who have on more than one occasion taken me a little too seriously. I always mean well and there is a small part of me that truly did want to move to Austin, TX, go into music supervision, travel the world to visit every friend I have, get my masters in film theory, fill in your favorite Kelly life plan here.

As I age and mature, I suppose, I am teaching myself to keep focused on one plan and for the past three years that one plan has been to find a way to make a profession out of helping others. The parameters of that helping has changed slightly, one month it was troubled teens, the next was teens dealing with substance abuse, another grown children of divorced parents, and now it's college student. Wherever I eventually land, I know that I want to be in the helping profession. I know I want to spend my life being compassionate and empathetic. For that, today I am grateful to have the ability to put my life on hold for at least two years so I can pursue my master's in community counseling.

No Re-wear Challenge

My Life in Skirts
I try to pick some kind of theme for my outfits each week (I know, I'm a complete nerd) and this week I decided to do variations on my favorite article of clothing, the skirt.

Tuesday - The Uniform

Cardigan: Old Navy
T-shirt: American Eagle
Skirt: Target
Tights: American Apparel (you can't tell, but they're real purple)
Boots: Forever21


Necklaces: the blue one is a Christmas gift (from my awesome friend, Laura) and the other is an oldie from Forever21


Trench: Target (one of my best purchases ever)
Scarf: gift from my friend of friends, Jill (for being in her wedding)
Puppy: Maricopa County Pound

Wednesday - Paris Je T'aime

Top: H&M
Skirt: Target
Tights: Target
Shoes: Steven (purchased at Nordstrom)
**It took everything I had not to wear my red beret with this outfit.


Earrings: Francis (super cute boutique in Phoenix)

Thursday - Fooled Ya!

Dress as Skirt: Old Navy
Shirt: Forever21
Belt: Old Navy
Tights: Old Navy
Boots: Ebay


Necklaces: Christmas gift from my rad friend, Lyndsey

Days of No Re-wear: 12

**Clearly still working on the self-portraits. Any suggestions anyone??

Be Grateful (Day 5)

Each year 6-8 million dogs and cats are sheltered. Tragically, about half of them are not adopted and are subsequently euthanized.

When I went to the pound to find my own furry beast I picked out an adorable little 4 month old Pit Bull mix. They told me I'd have to leave her over the weekend to get spayed, but come Monday afternoon she'd be all mine. After an extraordinarily long weekend full of puppy preparations, I go to pick up my little bundle of joy. As I'm paying for her the woman says "Oh, yours is the 2 year old, right?".

"Excuse me? No, I think you've got that wrong", I assure her. She shows me a picture to confirm the dog she is referring to is in fact the same one I am here to adopt. "You better go back to the clinic".

I do as I am told and am informed that after further investigation my puppy is in fact a full grown dog (it turns out she was actually only a little over 1). "Do you still want her?"

"Um, of course, why wouldn't I?"

"Most people would say no."

"What would happen then?"

"Ummmmm..." I well up, take the leash and walk out the door.

Today I am grateful for that little malnourished, fake puppy, Hendrix Lilah Pooperstein Pertzsch.

Most people say, "Oh, good for you, you rescued that poor little dog". But the truth of the matter is that although I might have rescued her but she's the one that changed my life. Suddenly I have to think about something other than myself. I have to put something else first. Something that depended on me not only to feed it and take care of it, but to love it, unconditionally.

Now every day when I come home there is this happy ball of fur wagging her tail uncontrollably. If I'm real quiet as I turn the key in the lock I can avoid waking her up and catch a glimpse of the wrinkle face. If you have not had the pleasure of seeing this face, it will melt your heart. Accompanied with her booty dance it is unstoppable and sure to be a YouTube hit should I ever get it on film.

Bottom line, she's the raddest dog I know. People stop me on the street to tell me how adorable she is. I have a list at least 5 deep of people who have asked if they can have her if I ever need to give her away (including our vet in Tempe). She has won over many a non-dog person with her beauty and charm. She loves me more than anyone else (except maybe my mom) and for that she will be my co-pilot for life.

Stress? I've Got You Penciled in Next Tuesday at 3

I have to be honest, I am more than a little nervous about this semester. I have decided it will be in my best interest to finish my program in two years, which means I have to take a minimum of 3 extra credits per term. It doesn't seem like much on paper, but it's essentially the difference between 40 hours of school work a week and 60 hours of school work a week. Needless to say, that's a whole heck of a lot of studying. This makes my palms sweat a little and my heart rate quicken slightly.

It isn't that last semester was especially stressful for me, but as I get older I get better at determining what kind of situations will potentially stress me out. Clearly, this semester is full of potential. So instead of sitting and waiting for the stress to roll on in, I have decided to take a proactive stance. Extremely proactive. I am making lists of everything. I am scheduling nearly every hour of every day. I hit a personal low the other day when I used Exel to make a weekly schedule that includes when I need to wake up, have free time and eat a snack. My date book has become my new best friend. I spend more time with that stupid thing than with my family and friends. I have lists of schedules; what classes to take at the gym and when, the order of rooms to clean in my apartment. This week I have even gone so far as to right out my daily meals so as to not waste any time making a useless trip to the grocery store.

Yes, I will admit that it borderlines on ridiculous, but it's a system and clearly what I need right now is a system. Or maybe a therapist, which actually is on my list of things to do (as per my program, not personal, requirements).

And if the stress gets to me and I finally crack you can find me in Big Sur looking at this:

Or perhaps in Paris with a lovely Frenchman named Jean Luc underneath the Eiffel Tower reading Jack Kerouac, sipping espresso and smoking cigarettes.

Be Grateful (Day 4)

Our country has a long way to go in its battle against racism. I still worry about the type of country it will be for my mixed race nephew. Will he struggle because his skin is darker than mine? Will he be made fun of or put down because he looks different than the majority of his classmates? We are taking small steps every year, every day, but I am still not confident that the answer to these questions will be no. Yet, today I am still eternally grateful for Martin Luther King Jr and the changes he made possible in our country and our world.

Because of MLK we are all able to dream about a better country, a better world.

I dream that one day my LGBT friends will have the same rights as me; not in spite of their sexual orientation but because of their sexual orientation. I dream that one day my children will know a world without racism. I dream that the American dream will continue to flourish. I dream that Barack Obama will not be our only non-white president. I dream that one day Americans will not have to worry about how they will pay for health care because it will be seen as the right that it is. I dream that we will leave our kids a better world that the one we received and that they will continue the trend. I dream that my generation will be able to bring America out of this selfish obsession with money and power. I dream that instead we will be obsessed with equality, social justice and bettering our planet. I dream that we will continue to be proud of our country's accomplishments instead of embarrassed by its blunders. I dream that my grandfather and father will not have served this great country in vein and that the men and women who serve us today will be treated with the respect they deserve. That they will be supported instead of ignored when they return from duty. I dream that those who cannot afford a college education will have options other than to join the military. I dream that one day patriotism will not be associated with conservative fanaticism. I dream that Martin Luther King Jr's words will always ring true, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice".

No Re-wear Challenge

I have entirely too many clothes. I spend entirely too much money on buying new clothes. In an attempt to break this terrible habit and safe myself some major moola I am initiating the "No Re-wear Challenge".

I'm pretty sure I didn't wear the same thing to class twice last semester so this really shouldn't be a challenge, but the general idea is that I cannot wear the same outfit twice. Ultimately, I want to see how many days I can go without wearing the same thing twice. This is not to say I can't wear the same article of clothing twice. However, my one stipulation is that no more than two elements of an outfit can be worn together more than once. I'm not worrying about lounge wear and will only count outfits Monday through Saturday (unless there is some important Sunday activity that necessitates a fabulous outfit). I'll only post the best three outfits here so as not to bore my readers. So...here goes nothing...

New York State of Mind
This week I've been obsessing about booking a ticket to New York this spring and I'm pretty sure this obsession crossed over into my outfit choices for the week.

Monday - First day of classes! (Or channeling my inner hipster)

Sweater: Old Navy
T-shirt: Gap
Jeans: H&M
Belt: So old I can't remember
Shoes: Steven (from Nordstrom)



Tuesday - Back to school, back to school


Sweater: H&M
T-shirt: Target (gift from Tara Friend)
Skirt: Old Navy
Tights: Target
Boots: E-bay
Scarf: Inherited from Tara Friend (she left it at my flat in London YEARS ago and now I get too many compliments on it to give it back :-/)
Coat: Old Navy
Bracelets: Accessorize and Primark


Friday - Happy Hour!

Dress: Old Navy
Blazer: Old Navy
Tights: Target
Boots: E-bay
Bracelets: gift from my Boy Bestie's mum
Necklace: Freshy Fig (etsy)

Number of No Re-wear Days: 6

**Writer's note: I know I need to work on the lighting and self-portraits. Thank you for your patience.

Be Grateful (Day 3)

I will be the first to admit that I do not have to best judgement when it comes to making friends. Perhaps it's that I truly want to believe that people are filled with good and that if I am a good person there is no way that anyone would intentionally hurt me. Unfortunately, such is not the case. Even more unfortunate is the fact that I have never been hurt as badly as I have been by other girls. What is it about our gender? We just know how to put each other down and cut each other right to the core. It's disgusting really.


Luckily, as I have gotten older I have become a much better judge of character and have also been able to maintain some pretty amazing friendships in the process. Today I am grateful for my awesome girlfriends.

I love my family, but 9 times out of 10 it is my girlfriends who get me through the toughest times. They have gotten me through my parent's divorce, break ups, make ups, various life dramas and everything in between. They have listened to me talk my problems to death and then talk some more just for good measure. They have offered advice and been patient when I didn't always heed it the way I should have. They have believed in me and pushed me. They have made me strive to be better version of myself (thanks, Tara, for the wonderful phrase). They have pretended not to notice when I'm lying to myself, but call me out on my shit when they know I can handle it. They put up with me when I call them out on theirs. They have on more than one occasion wiped away my tears, held back my hair and picked me up when I was down(metaphorically and literally). They have seen me at my best and worst, and stood by my side regardless.

I cannot imagine where I could be without these wonderful ladies that have been so influential in my life. Grateful doesn't seem like an adequate word, but it's a start. You are all part of me wanting to be a better person and most especially a better friend.




** I'm sorry I couldn't post more pictures, but it appears that I don't have pictures of all of my awesome ladies. :(

Be Grateful (Day 2)

Thanks to my amazing dad and the other fantastic men in my life I am daddy issue free. Thanks to the amazing female influences in my life I am the tough chick I am today. With that in mind, today I am thankful for the strong women that surround me.

My Gram - I know I've told you before how awesome my Gram is, but I cannot emphasize her awesomeness enough. She is everything I aspire to be. She is the original tough chick. She not only bagged herself a super handsome man, but she ran a house while maintaining her own sense of self. She worked hard her entire life and although her body is now paying the price, she still keeps a smile on her face. She makes me want to be a stronger, better woman.

Me Mum - I'm fortunate that most of my life my mum and I have gotten along. There were a few tough years when I was a prepubescent, but nothing so severe that it damaged our relationship in any way. I am one of those weirdos who considers her mom to be one of her best friends. She is often the first person I want to call when someone extremely good or bad happens. I don't always take her advice but I always want to hear her opinion. Similar to my Gram, she has worked hard to get where she is today and although she isn't the original tough chick, she still is one.

My step-mom, Tami - It has to be said, my step-mom and I don't always see eye to eye. In many circumstances we are almost polar opposites. Despite this, I cannot help but admire her fortitude and conviction. She's a tough lady and she always sticks to her guns (even I don't always agree with where she's aiming).

My Auntie Kar - I don't tell her enough, but I really admire my dad's sister, Karen. In many ways, my life parallels hers. She put a great deal of focus on her education and spent a lot of years moving from one state to the next, going wherever the wind took her. The only "grown up" liberal in my family, she is my kindred spirit. She has shown me that it's OK to be single and follow your heart. It's OK to go against the majority and be your own person. She has taught me that even if I don't ever have children of my own I can still share my love and generosity; I can still be fulfilled.

Be Grateful (Day 1)

Several years ago I picked up my brother's cell phone and the message on his screen simply read "Be Grateful". I immediately changed the message on my phone to say the same and have kept it ever since. I try to constantly keep that message in mind and I try to put it into action daily. Recently I decided to revisit a friend's blog and although she hadn't updated it in a while what she had there was very poignant for me. She was in the middle of 30 days of gratitude. I didn't take the time to read over the stipulations of this exercise as I figured I could simply make up my own. I'm going to express my gratitude for as many days as it takes.

As many of you may have noticed I spent a good portion of my holiday break uselessly reflecting on previous relationships and the drama that seems to only surround me when I get anywhere near a guy. However, this has lead me to think about the men that I have in my life that are drama-free and amazing. So today I am grateful for the men in my life.

My Papa Bear - My dad is just a really amazing guy. He is one of those people that can only be described with the phrase "salt of the earth". He's taught me the importance of a good sense of humor and that it's OK to laugh at yourself. He's also taught me to have faith in myself and that I can do anything...even without a man. Plus, he's been known to shed a tear when dropping me off at the airport. How can you not love a man like that?!

My big brother, Jacob - As each year passes, Jake becomes more and more like my dad. Outwardly he pretends that this annoys him, but I think he secretly knows it's true. Growing up, Jake made me laugh harder than anyone else. He still does. He's also proved to be a really amazing Dad, which worries me because that means it's probably very likely my kids will be hellions.

My step-dad, John - I absolutely won the step-parent lottery. I can't imagine that it is easy to be a step-dad, especially not to my brother and me, but John has been nothing short of awesome. I am constantly learning from him and almost as constantly giving him a hard time. Just because I can.

My Boy Bestie, Peter - Peter and I are like an old married couple. We bicker and make fun of each other regularly, but at the end of the day we have an incredible amount of love and respect for each other. Peter is a tremendously generous friend and is always pushing me to be a better friend in return. Plus, he makes me laugh, a lot.


My nephews, Sytahn and Tyson - I'm not sure if and when I want to be a mommy, but I love everything about being an auntie. These two little dudes are beyond amazing. They have personality and humor coming out of every pore. They are sweet and lovable and I can't wait to spend time with them, just getting to know them and thinking about what cool guys they'll grow up to be. I love that I can spoil them, hype them up and then send them home. Like I said, it's good to be an auntie.

Comfortably Unhappy

Over Christmas break I met up with two guy friends, both of whom I haven't seen in a considerable amount of time and both of whom I used to be somewhat romantically involved with. Both of whom are now in committed relationships. Both of whom are remarkably unhappy with said relationships. They both stick it out for some reason completely unbeknownst to me. Neither could articulate any significant or profound reason for this need to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. The general consensus seemed to be that it was "comfortable".

This depressed the shit out of me.

Now I'm sure you're probably thinking I'm depressed that two guys I was once involved with are unhappy with two other girls instead of being happy with me. But, alas, you are wrong. It depresses me because 1. these are two charismatic and driven guys who, despite what I might have said about them in the past, both deserve happiness. And 2. because these are perfect examples of something I have long known to be true about guys: they will stay in unhappy and unhealthy relationships for no good reason.

It is not just these two particular guys that have lead me to this conclusion. It has been countless guy friends and acquaintances over the years who have unrelentingly complained about their girlfriends and then acted shocked when anyone suggested that they might end this unpleasantness they call a relationship. I cannot think of one girlfriend who has done the same.

Despite the fact that I have known of the existence of this unfortunate phenomenon for some time I cannot give you a firm reason for it. Maybe it is that women are less tolerant of unhappiness. Maybe it is that guys somehow convince themselves this is as good as it gets. Maybe it is something else entirely that I can't even begin to comprehend. I simply cannot fathom any reason to NOT try to make your life as happy and fulfilling as possible. But I'm a woman, so I guess I wouldn't.