Hurts So Good

Have you ever watched the end of an Ironman? You know when the athletes are falling all over the place and walking like zombies? I always find it really comical to watch. I know, I know, it's sick and mean and probably shows some kind of lack of self-esteem on my part. But come on, that stuff's funny!

Anyway, karma has a funny way of biting me on the bum and has done so this week. All my laughing at those intense and amazing athletes has come back to me in the form of my own little Ironman walk. Sunday I had my second appointment with Dan the Personal Training Man and he royally kicked my arse. I'm talking squats after squats after squats followed by some weights. Needless to say, I have not walked the same since.

Naturally I'm quite convinced that people are looking at me like I'm a lunatic or some kind of polio survivor. Or perhaps they are thinking "Wow, that girl must have rode that horse for a really long time". There is also the possibility that they assume I have injured myself in some obscure manor, but not one person has said a word about it. This leads me to believe that either a.) it really isn't as bad as I think or the more likely b.) people don't want to embarrass me or, more importantly, themselves by asking.

Not only can I hardly walk, but sitting is about the most excruciating activity imaginable. Every time I sit down at my desk I let out a silent cry of pain. I fear getting into the car and don't even get me started on the terror a trip to the bathroom instills. But in the end it will all be worth it to have smaller, cellulite-free thighs (this really is just wishful thinking, but the smaller part is true). When I'm slipping on my size 8 jeans I'll think, "Ha! How funny it was when I couldn't walk for 3 days, but look at how fabulous I am now!" Or at least that is what I tell myself when I get out of bed in the morning and fall straight to the ground because my legs are still so freaking sore!!

On a side note, I had planned on calling this entry "It Hurts When I Pee", but I didn't want to cause any offense. Except now I've said it anyway and have probably offended at least one of you. Sorry, my B!

Limit Two Per Person, Please

It has to be said that my dad can be a pretty smart guy. Throughout college we had a standing date for our Sunday phone conversation and I can't even begin to count how many times I was hungover on Sundays. I have always been very honest with both of my parents, so my dad knew exactly what I meant when I said I was feeling "a little under the weather". Never one to scold my dad would chime in with "The night before is never worth the morning after" and "Everything in moderation, Kelly". I never listened.

As I've gotten older "under the weather" has gotten far worse for far longer. I am not exaggerating when I say that after 23 hangovers became an event. I'm talking in bed all day, two-day headaches with lots of visits to the royal thrown. Especially good hangovers will include sweating, moaning in pain, lots of junk food and plenty of self-loathing. I'm generally useless for at least 12 hours of the day and am genuinely unpleasant to be around. And nowadays a hangover is pretty much a given if I consume more than a few drinks, but I just keep drinking. It doesn't even make sense to me.

So at 26 I think I might finally start listening to my dad. Don't get me wrong, I have a good time when I go out with friends, but I have never - NEVER - had a hangover that was worth it. Never. I've yet to wake up with a throbbing head and a queasy stomach and think, "Wow, I'm really glad I had that last shot of tequila". Then there's the money aspect. I am literally paying to make myself sick. How does that make sense? I don't even need my dad to tell me that it doesn't. And don't even get me started on all the useless calories I'm consuming!

Now I'm sure you're thinking, "Dang, this girl is a lush". I'm really not. I maybe go out once a week, but the once a week hangover that is almost sure to follow makes it feel like I'm getting hammered every night. It really just isn't worth it to me anymore, so I have decided to mandate a two drink limit. This will mean no more wasting my weekends in bed, growing a beer belly and throwing my money away. Maybe I'll even start a Asia travel fund or a tattoo fund or shopping fund or a new hobby fund with all my saved money. Really, the possibilities are endless.

Calling in Back-up (Res. #3)

I have never been one for fad diets because I hate the idea of depriving myself of anything. The thought of having to give up chocolate for life so I can lose five pounds is depressing and makes me want to go eat chocolate. Any time I have lost weight in the past it has been through the amazing diet of eating healthy and exercising. Crazy!! I know, I should probably write a book about it.

Knowing this has worked for me many times in the past gives me hope, but sadly it doesn't give me motivation. I have no desire to get up at 5am every morning so I can go to the gym and my evenings are taken up with an hour walk with Hendrix and friends or relaxing. These are things I am not willing to give up for the gym. So what is a girl to do? Well, the solution has come to me via the interwebs (that thing is so amazing). After talking to a co-worker I've jumped on a bandwagon I didn't even know existed. It's called myfooddiary.com and it's heading to Weight Loss Town. Population: Kelly.

It's super simple. You create your log-in and are able to get started right away. No waiting around for a confirmation e-mail or any of that BS. How it works is simple too. You just enter in everything you eat each day and the amount of exercise you do. They have an amazing food database with 50,000 foods or you can add your own. You can even create a fridge where you can store the foods you eat most often. The exercise bit is just as easy. There's a list of 700 exercises - including some things you would never even consider exercise. Example: birdwatching. Huh? You put in all this info and presto it gives you a report for each day telling you where you've done well and where you haven't done so well. There's even cute little smiley and frown faces. How encouraging is that?! We'll have to wait and see (pun intended).