As I begin to mentally prepare to physically prepare for my next marathon (Oakland, March 27) I have recently changed my desktop wallpaper and Facebook profile picture to an amazing photo of Kathrine Switzer. She's the first (numbered) woman to run Boston. She's a ballsy lady and she worked hard to pave the way for female marathoners. Before Paula Radcliffe and Kara Groucher were gracing the covers of sports magazines in their sports bras she was rocking sweats while nonchalantly running away from race officials. The lady is a true hero and I will think of her next Monday as I take my first steps towards my second marathon.
I will be the first to admit that I can sometimes take teasing a little too far. I like to laugh, I like to make jokes and since I don't mind laughing at myself I too often assume that others don't mind either. I know this is only an excuse, but it's hereditary; my whole family (especially the original four - my mum, dad, brother and me) enjoy a good tease. I have spoken to both of my parents about this, "don't you think sometimes we tease too much?" and I am always told, "no, it's all in good fun". But it always has to be admitted that not everyone grew up in a house full of jokers.
More than a joker I am also at times painfully sarcastic making it difficult for even those who know me best to tell if I am serious or not. I cannot even begin to recall how many times I have had to say, "I know it is hard to tell, but I am being serious right now".
Perhaps more than anyone my boy bestie, Peter, gets the brunt of my teasing and sarcasm. I cannot tell you why because I absolutely adore Peter. He is truly one of the most generous and genuine friends I have ever had. I have only known him for a relatively short two years, but sometimes it feels like I've known him my whole life. We often bicker like an old married couple but there isn't a doubt in my mind that I would go to the ends of the earth for Peter and that he would do the same for me, without a second thought, without question.
One of the many reasons why I admire Peter is because of what I have proclaimed his "special zest for life". I wordsmithed this phrase while we were touring Wisconsin and I was able to see my state for the first time through someone else's eyes. Peter has such an exuberant optimism about life that I envy. At times I feel old and beaten down by life when I am with him because I cannot fathom being so utterly optimistic, so youthfully zealous.
What makes this quality even more awesome is that despite the relative subjectivity of a difficult life, Peter has not had it easy. He has faced adversities and hardships I cannot imagine handling, and to make it through with eyes that are able to see the world as his do is so uniquely outstanding. It is if as though he is only able to see the good. While I am focused on the dark clouds, Peter is able to point out the small patch of blue off in the distance. And more than that he is unabashedly unashamed to express his complete and utter joy for the thread-thin silver lining.
And while I am haranging him about being so over-the-top I am secretly wishing I could acquire just a quarter of his special zest for life.
While considering a move back the eastward way it has come to my attention that I have perhaps front loaded my life. What if I peaked in my mid/late 20s and now it is only downhill from here? Certainly this has not been my intention, but I also do not intend to spend the rest of my life vagabonding about from city to city in search of adventure. I do not want the sum of my life to be the cities I have lived in and the amount of times I have moved. Yet, I fear that to settle (down) will be to resign myself to a life of boredom. I will spend the rest of my days suffering from a chronic case of itchy feet.
Last night I tell this to my mum whose response is "maybe you will find new adventure with a husband and kids". I immediately think, but do not verbalize, "maybe I will find a cure for cancer, too". At this point in my life that is about how realistic a husband and kids seems. I am still not convinced that path is in the cards for me.
I spend the rest of the evening contemplating that perhaps the larger issue here is that I am still stuck at square one. Shit.
I love to learn and am always on the search for new and interesting facts (mostly so that I can use this trivial information to impress and/or bore people). Recently, while perusing the rack of post cards at the Cheddar Head Store in La Crosse, I learned that the state motto of Wisconsin is "forward". I turned to my friends, also Wisconsin natives, "Did you know this?" Ben says, "Yeah, it's on a statue at the court house (or some such governmental building)". Hm, apparently I had missed this little tid-bit, but I was excited by my newly acquired knowledge and tucked it away in the back pocket of my mind.
However, as my dad and I traversed the country on my way back to Portland, I kept thinking about this word forward. Leaving my family and friends in Wisconsin and Minnesota had been especially hard this time, and my heart was feeling pretty heavy. Over the past few years I have slowly begun to rediscover how beautiful the Midwest is and how blessed I am to have been raised there. Yet, I always felt that moving back "home" could only mean I was moving backwards. This is something I have always refused to do in my life; I have set my focus on forward movement and tried never to look back.
But now as I review my short list of places that I would like to move, and the list of pros and cons I have mentally made for them all, the list of cons for Minneapolis is the shortest. In fact, it only has one item on it: winter. Perhaps moving "back" doesn't mean moving backwards after all. While it might mean moving through snow it feels like it might be the most forward movement I've made in years.
I've only made it to two shows this summer (an all time low I think) and this was one of them. This band from Omaha, NE is absolutely outstanding. If you haven't already been listening to them, start doing it now. Now.
The Avett Brothers : Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promises
These guys were the second show I saw this summer. I saw them last summer at Sasquatch and thought they were pretty rockin, so took the opportunity to see them headline. I was not disappointed. There song "Kick Drum Heart" has been known to add an extra umph to my workouts, too.
Mumford & Sons : Little Lion Man
I saw these guys several years ago at a tiny little dive bar in London and sort of forgot about them until they came blasting across the radio waves on 94.7. I am now sad for all the years I missed them.
Janelle Monae : Tightrope
Such an outstandingly killer tune. Every time I hear it I just wanna dance. Dance, baby, dance. My legs move a little faster when this comes on my Shuffle.
Scissor Sisters : Fire with Fire
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Jake Shears makes me want to be a gay man. Night Work was well worth the wait and is an fabulously gay rock opera. Loves it and can't wait to see them in September.
Florence + the Machine : Dog Days are Over
I've known about this band for quite some time, but have to admit it wasn't until seeing the preview for Eat, Pray, Love that I had no choice but to download their album. So. Good.
David Bowie : Modern Love
Because I am a sucker for the classics and this song speaks to me on an unearthly level.
I am regularly told that Hendrix surprises people. They are amazed that a pit bull mix can be so submissive, loving and delightfully playful. They say, "oh, she is not at all what I imagined a pit bull would be like". I assure them that despite what they may have previously believed she is not the exception to the breed but the rule. She is a living example of how wonderful and loyal these dogs not only can be, but are.
This of course has got me to thinking about how I might too become a living example of how wonderful the human breed can be.
In several of my courses recently we have discussed advocacy and being an ally. What exactly qualifies you for this status? Can you simply call yourself an advocate? Is there a certain process one must go through, particular steps that must be taken, boxes that must be ticked? I would argue no. It came to me the other day during Intro to Family Therapy, one can be an advocate simply by living a life that leaves no doubt as to where you stand on the issue. That is in fact exactly how I try to live my life. I hope that there is never any doubt as to what I am passionate about.
I do not have the time I would like to be able to give to charities and volunteer work. If there were 26 hours in the day I would give the extra two away, but instead I take the 24 I am given and put them towards my education in hopes that one day soon I will more adequately be able to help change the world. And until I am able to be a more active ally I use my voice as my tool for change. I stand up for what I believe in and make my voice heard.
This summer has been exhausting for me. My 14 credit course load hasn't taken the wind out of my sails, but it has taken away my time and motivation to blog. I barely have enough time to keep up with all my reading and writing let alone find the time to infiltrate the blogosphere with my self-indulgent ramblings. However, I have had an ample amount of time reflect on the type of therapist I hope to one day become and in turn the kind of world I hope to help create. A better kind of world that my nephew's will inherit and be thankful to have.
I hope my nephews never know the hate, injustice and inequality that exists in our world today. I pray that Sytahn never has racial slurs hit his perfect little ears. That the world accepts him for the beautiful, thoughtful, loving little boy that he is. That he is able to maintain his innocence and curiosity and so be able to grow to be a beautiful, thoughtful, loving young man.
I hope that they both come of age in a world were we openly and happily acknowledge that love is love. We finally understand that love does not care about gender or sexual identity, so that my wonderful nephews will be able to love and be loved in a way that makes them happy and fulfilled without judgement or disgust.
I want the world they inherit to be full of the goodness I see in it. To be free of war and hatred. A world where there is no need for political statement t-shirts or bumper stickers.
I hope Tyson has access to every advantage and opportunity that he deserves. That he never has to know the taunts or teases of unkind classmates. That he meets and exceeds the expectations set for him by ignorant political blowhards.
I pray that every day they understand how much they are loved and how precious of a commodity they are not only to my family but to the world. That they are filled with fire and inspiration to make the world a better place, to treat others with the kindness that so fully inhabits them both. That they are strong to stand up to the ugliness in the world and encompass the ethos of community.
I want the world they inherit to be better simply because they are in it.
