Maybe Harry Was Right

When I was in high school and college my favorite movie was When Harry Met Sally. In fact, it's still top three for me. Admittedly, it's no Annie Hall, but there's something about the combination of Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. His quirkiness and her ridiculousness were cinematic genius as far as I was concerned. The final scene is so over the top romantic comedy clique, but even at my most cynical it still got me. Every time.

But there was always one thing about the movie that drove me crazy. Harry is so insistent that men and women can't truly be friends. As a guy's girl I found this to be a complete fallacy. I had plenty of guy friends. I always had. I was that girl; just one of the guys. This stayed true through college, but I slowly began to see a shift as I got older. Somewhere between high school and college I had become more attractive to guys and the friendships didn't seem quite as strong. Sure we were friends but that didn't mean things couldn't change after a few beers. After my college relationship ended I maintained very few of those friendships. Out of college and in the "real world" it became more difficult to make guy friends. There was no click anymore and was no inheriting guy friends from a boyfriend. I had to do it on my own and it wasn't easy.

In total I think I've made maybe 6 guy friends since college (I'm excluding boyfriends of friends), 2 of whom are gay and 2 of whom I rarely speak to anymore. It is simply more complicated as you get older because something always seems to get in the way, either a girlfriend or emotions or unclear intentions. I find myself taking an extended pause when thinking about guy friends. It may not be that I am attracted or interested in them now, but I find myself thinking, "should I be?". Meeting a quality guy is no easy task, and so it often seems easier to simply change affections towards a friend.

But then there's the age old cliche, it will ruin the friendship. Really? Will it? If you're both honest aren't you just waiting until that night when you have one too many beers and....oops? Chances are at least one of you is. I hate to admit it, but all those arguments I had with my college roommate on this subject matter were in vein. I was wrong. I am not longer convinced that guys and girls genuinely can be friends...unless they've known each other for years, but maybe not even then. Dang it, I hate being wrong.

Closure is a Fictional Concept

When I was younger and not nearly as wise as I am today I was convinced that anything could be solved by talking. I wanted to talk issues/dramatic situations to death. I needed to get all my emotions out there. I had an open heart and I let everyone know it. I gave my heart away for free. But hearts get broken and callused. I am not a cynical person (anymore), but at 26 I am at the opposite end of the spectrum than I was at when I was 21.

I no longer feel the need to talk much about anything. I am more convinced now that most discussions aren't really worth having. I have to care quite deeply about the other person to enter into any kind of meaningful discussion on the state of said relationship these days. I have learned that so many words are better left unsaid. I am a very talkative, outgoing person, but I keep myself pretty quiet when it comes to matters of the heart. To take a line from Billy Joel, "my silence is my self-defense".

But self-preservation mode has not always served me well. My silence has also caused me to leave many issues unresolved and probably too many words unsaid. There are many circumstances where I walked away without any words, without any closure.

However, I have learned recently that perhaps closure doesn't exist. Words that went unsaid years ago just hang between two people like an electric current waiting for a touch to send out a shock. They do not offer any kind of closure whatsoever. They serve only to open wounds and create chaos in what had become a settled life.

Yet, there must be some middle ground between walking away wordless and this mythical creature they call closure. My guess is that it can only be found by finding the precarious balance between silence and over-analysis. As much as I have learned and grown over the past 5 years, I clearly have so much left to learn. I clearly have to find a way to start using my words again.

Whenever I Miss Phoenix

I go here http://francesblog.tumblr.com/.

If you live in Phoenix you should definitely check out Frances. It's by far one of the best things the city has to offer.

Elliptical Economic Brainstorm

I know it's early but I have been contemplating 2010's New Year's resolution quite intensely as of late. I'm not really a New Year's resolution maker, but I figured I'd give it a go next year since I have yet to find a better way to get my finances in order. It seems that recently I have been doing my best brainstorming on how to do so on the elliptical machine at my gym. It's strange because most of the time I do my best thinking on the toilet. I kid, I kid. Seriously, lighten up.

Sorry, I digress. To the point.

I have come up with several ideas and one important plan for staying inspired.

There are a two things that might seem frivolous to others that at this point I'm not willing to give up: my gym membership and cable. Justification? Well, there's no way I'd stay motivated to stay in shape without a gym and it also gives me a chance to get out of the apartment without spending a great deal of money. Going to the gym a minimum of 5 times a week costs me a grand total of $1.50 each time I go. I think that's reasonable. And as far as cable goes, frankly, I just like to be able to watch TV.

So, how exactly will I be saving money? Thus far here's what I've come up with:

1. Straight up stop using my credit cards. They're what is ruining my life. This is the first step, but will definitely be the most difficult to master. Hopefully the following will help.
2. Less trips to the grocery store and Target. I need to learn that I don't have to buy more of something until I am out of it, including food. I'll have a fridge half full and yet buy more because I don't feel like eating what I have already. I'm wasting money left and right by letting food go bad or just buying things I don't need. And I think we all know my weakness for Target. I'm absolutely going to have to go back to list only shopping.
3. Cut out the extras. I've already given up Starbucks but there are plenty of other frills that could go. Aside from shopping for clothes I don't need, I could also cut back on gifts (not stop giving them but stop giving expensive ones), make up (Sephora can no longer be my friend), things for my apartment (I really have everything I need), gas (I'm not sure about this one, but perhaps I could be riding my bike more - except maybe not until after winter) and there will undoubtedly be more to come.
4. For those of you who have enjoyed my previous blogs about fashion, keep your eye's peeled for the "No Re-wear Challenge". It's gonna be good.


Ok, it's a short list so far, but I know it will get longer.

How do I plan on sticking to it? It's simple, apply the same determination and discipline I put towards working out and being healthy to saving money. I am extremely proud of how well I've been able to stay in shape and stick to a routine, so in theory I should also be able to have a sense of pride about saving money. Well, here's hoping!

Portland Gym Culture

As an avid people watcher, I find the gym to be a pretty entertaining place. If you're really paying attention there is almost always something comical going on. In Arizona my gym was filled with ASU sorostitutes, douche bags and wanna-be muscle men. People were constantly on their phones and checking themselves out to make sure they were looking good in their name brand work out gear and baseball hats. It was utterly ridiculous. The gym was clearly someplace to be seen and I hadn't gotten the memo.

Such is not the case here in Portland. Instead the gym is filled with hippies, hipsters and relatively normal folks. My personal favorite it still the hipster girl on the eliptical in her skinny jeans and v-neck. But a close second is the long-haired ginger hippie in his Thai fisherman pants. I'm constantly surprised at the people that show up. Many of whom are wearing the trainers they probably wore to 5th grade gym class. This is not a judgement, but an interested statement. People here apparently go to the gym to work out. Crazy! They don't seem nearly as concerned with how they appear to their fellow gym goer and they get their stuff done.

Clearly a testament to the differences between people in Arizona and Portland. Clearly a little less entertaining.

The Art of Brunching

I love me some brunch. I love breakfast, I love lunch. I love the combination of the two because you can sleep in late but still have breakfast and a bloody mary.

For those of you who are not as enamored with this amazing meal option, let me fill you in a little bit on it's benefits (other than getting to sleep late and still get breakfast). In my mind there are two kinds of brunches. There's the nice brunch that you might have with your parents or on a weekday. This kind of brunch is usually at some place nice. Some place where you can expect to pay as much for brunch as you would for dinner. It involves a nice latte or some orange juice (maybe a mimosa if your parents are liberal) along with your pancakes. You would generally shower before this brunch and make yourself presentable. You'd probably even slap on some make-up.

The other kind of brunch is where you're gonna get some more bang for your buck; it's the hungover brunch. Now this kind of brunch is the one you have with friends (quite possibly the ones that woke up on your couch that morning). There's no need for dressing up and you're probably not gonna shower either. However, you might want to consider some make-up to go along with what's already left on your face. Seeing as though you were over served the night before you probably want to consider a bloody mary and something greasy. My personal favorite? The Brewer's Breakfast at Four Peaks. Marvelous.

I miss brunching. I can hardly remember the last time I was able to brunch and I long for the day when I will be able to brunch at Four Peaks again.

It's Always Harder Than You Remember

I have lived in 3 countries, 5 states and 10 cities in my 26 years. I have moved 7 times (just between cities, not houses) in the past 8 years. This means I've had to make new friends 7 times. Yet, somehow every time seems to feel like the first time. You conveniently forget the process of making friends when you leave one city. All you think about is how much you'll miss the friends you are leaving, but that you will undoubtedly make friends in your new city. You will, but not the day you move there. It's easy to have selective memory when it comes to this all important aspect of relocating.

And somehow it only seems to get more complicated when you get older. Frankly, I love the friends that I have a am convinced that I have more than enough of them. However, only 2 of them live in my current location and as a social butterfly this is not nearly enough. Dilemma. Further complicating this current issue is that in my old age (ha!) I have definitely become far more discerning when it comes to forming friendship. I no longer feel the need to bond with the first person that appears to share a similar interest and hope that it works out. It rarely does, which I have learned the hard way one too many times.

So I struggle and simultaneously try to convince any friend with a slight interest to move to Portland. I busy myself with the hours of reading assigned to me each week and half-heartedly search for a job. I countdown to my boy bestie's visit and look forward to the holidays with an enthusiasm I haven't had since childhood. I reflect on how I am in the exact opposite situation I was in in Phoenix; I'm now in a city I love but have very few people to share it with.

Please, don't misunderstand me; I'm not sad or even lonely. I'm taking time to contemplate and focus.