How to Gain Weight - Wisconsin Edition

Before we begin I am compelled to warn you that this process takes true commitment and is not for the faint of heart. If you are not willing to put in the time and effort to gain weight there is no point in even beginning this endeavor. There are only three seemingly easy steps, but I assure you they are not as easy as one might think. However, with full commitment you should see results in a matter of days.

First, you must not even consider exercise. Exceptions can be made if you have a dog that needs to be walked, but for best results you must be as inactive as possible. It is also important to note that walking around the mall, Target or any other store is not considered exercise and can be done liberally.

Second, eat. A lot. Eat foods that aren't good for you. Eat foods you haven't eaten in months because they weren't on your diet plan. And eat as much of them as you would like. Make sure there are plenty of birthdays being celebrated so you can take full advantage of the extra cake calories. Eat at your favorite restaurants and forget about ordering a salad. Maximize your calorie intake with plenty of french fries and cheese curds. And don't forget about the ice cream. Make sure you try as many flavors as possible as often as possible. Do not let all that homemade fatty goodness go to waste.

The third and perhaps most difficult step is drinking beer. Now there's no need to overdue it. The equivalent of one a day is plenty if you haven't been drinking beer for the last few months. Beer has loads of calories, especially those amazing micro brews that are so prominent in Wisconsin. Try them all, find one you like, and drink loads of it. You will not regret it once you see the results.

Of course there are other variations on these three steps, so this is meant to be only a basic outline. And as always, feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions or concerns. Happy gaining!