Missed Connections

To say that I'm inept when it comes to matters of love and/or the opposite sex would be an understatement. In my life I have certainly kissed more boys than I have allowed to get to know me. I have wasted kisses on boys who knew little more than my name because God forbid they knew anything substantial about me. I was content to let them know what I kissed like, but shuttered at the thought of them knowing that and my inner thoughts. You could know one or the other, but few got to know both. It made sense to me. Most who did get to know both were not what I expected and thus I became more and more reluctant. I have throughout my adult life been involved with variations of the same guy; equally charismatic and heart breaking. Most of these relationships were based on infatuation, which always fades.

I have never kissed a boy first. It has been nearly a decade since I have told a boy that I am interested in him, and even then it was half-heartedly at the encouragement of my girlfriends. There is a pleasure in being pursued, even if it is by the wrong guy. But wouldn't there be more pleasure in being with someone that I actually like?

On too many occasions I have pushed away guys that I have been genuinely interested in because they knew me too well. Or even worse because they were not a variant of the aforementioned jerk. I know in my heart what I am looking for but seem only to work to not get it, to almost actively avoid it.

This leads me to think, why is there not a missed connections section to such situations? For example: "You know who you are. I'm sorry I didn't let you kiss me because I have a crap ton of issues that you are already well aware of. I should have but am not too embarrassed to say so in person. Please, try again at your earliest convenience." This section of Craiglist would surely be a hit. I am certainly not alone in my fear of putting myself out there. This way no one is embarrassed, no one feels let down. Think about it and spread the word.